hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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