my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
