she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
