hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
