it was like his penis was on wheels.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
