What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
