I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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