Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
