just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
