I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
