You're my little dorito
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
