Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
