He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
