So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
