Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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