there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Send help, water and tortillas.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
