I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Even my vagina gasped.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
