Well apparently he's into motor boating.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
