It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
