help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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