There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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