note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
