I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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