Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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