her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
