Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You took a bar mat shot.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
