Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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