so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
