Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i dont even know how to be here
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
