kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
