He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
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