Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
