I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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