I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
