I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
