how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
