Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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