I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I just blew my weed a kiss
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
