similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
