well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
ttyl tear gas
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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