my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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