Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
