apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize