I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
If I had your ass I would rule the world
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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