when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
