Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
