Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
