So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize