Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
