i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
