I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
You can't special order awesome
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
