He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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