Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
