i just wanna soil my oats bro
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
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