so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
