We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
