Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
