her vagine was all disorganized.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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