The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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