cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
