My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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