I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize