if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
