oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
