I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
