This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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