I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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