Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
