The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
