they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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