theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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