In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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