good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
