What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
