why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
