Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
