i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize