So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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