Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
