Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
