C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
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